You can never go home

Unless you’re moving across the country and happen to get to drive through your home. Then you can totally go home.

Let me just say one thing about Nebraska. Actually, let me just show you one picture from Nebraska which sums up my feelings about Nebraska:

Silly sign. You don't need to tell me I'm nowhere. I already knew.

It’s not really anything Nebraska did. It’s just that it’s between Colorado, which I like and where I have friends, and Iowa, my home state. Sorry, Nebraska. You’re my flyover state. Except that I have to drive through you.

We’ve spent the last few days in Iowa, enjoying being “home”. For those who think that our home state has little to offer, I have two arguments. One, Iowa is beautiful. Just look at this picture:

Two, Iowa has a fantastic state fair. The Iowa State Fair. Don’t believe me? Watch this. [Well, look at this, I guess. Watch this implies I have a movie, and I don’t.]

We have the best fried food!

 Double Bacon Corn Dog

 Deep Fried Snickers Bar

Deep Fried Ho-Ho

And, the greatest thing ever: deep fried butter on a stick!

We have the best contests! They should remind you of wholesome Americana. We have flower-arranging, photography, produce contests, livestock contests (we saw a new state record for champion boar!), 4-H, and many other exciting and family-friendly activities. Kamiah and I spent several hours admiring the many contest-winning whatnots. Nice things like this are why Iowans are so nice. We were all raised in an idealized version of 1940’s America.

We have educational programs! Like a whole row of animals, helpfully labeled with their breed and primary purpose. For instance, the pigs were separated by type and their use was listed as “pork”. Except one. One of them had it’s use listed as “meats”. Kamiah decided that one was the type of pig hot dogs come from.

Kamiah, seeing that this cow makes great burgers, shouted at it “Make me a burger!” It didn’t. The alpacas also didn't make her a sweater.

In addition to these fantastic things, you have the chance to see things you can’t see anywhere else:

The Iowa Pork Tent, or as I like to call it, the happiest place on earth.

The Butter Cow. It’s a cow, made of butter!

The Cy-Hawk Trophy. It’s the trophy awarded to the winner of the Iowa vs Iowa State football game every year. ISU won last year, so I got to get my picture taken with it. Go ‘clones!

Actually, I guess my whole argument could have been summed up with this picture:

Kamiah drinks the buttery remnants of the fried butter out of the paper tray. Iowa brought the world something so fantastic, it compelled my sister to drink sugary butter.